Fall Leaves

If you’re figuring your life out, this post is for you. 

Some of you have recently graduated or you’re in your senior year of high school. You’ve been told for probably the last four years that you need to “figure it out” in terms of adulting. 

Yet another group of you are far into adulthood, and every day you may wonder if you’ve got it figured out. 

The journey is all about figuring it out. Some days you’re the train. Other days you’re the track. I think I’ve even had the train go up my track. 

There’s no rush to run into a school and write them a check for $30k to hand you over a piece of paper in 4+ years. This is not to say that college isn’t a good choice for some. But if you’re on the fence, it’s maybe not the right time.

It also doesn’t mean you can’t go out and get a job after high school and figure out what you want to do. You can go to school at any time. 

When I was in high school I wanted to be a lawyer. When I graduated and went to Hamline University, a very expensive college, I wanted to go into forensic sciences. 

After living away from home for the school year I wanted to do anything but sit in a classroom. I’m not a classroom learner. I’m a self directed learner. I’m a highly motivated reader. If I want to learn something, I will. I will not do it sitting at a desk. My brain won’t allow it.

I left college and went into banking. Stupidly, I didn’t transfer the classroom desk sitting into work desk sitting. My older coworkers were rude to me and catty. They didn’t want to help a 30+ year junior executive assistant. They made jokes that weren’t so quiet about how “this one sure is young and pretty”. Thanks ladies, for the solidarity. I lasted a year. 

When I was 20, still very young, I got hired as a server at a long time restaurant in the city. Within 6 months, I was promoted to night manager. Again, I was hated. Somehow in my promotion I’d managed to unknowingly piss off every female coworker yet again. The older two—because they had to retrain a new server—the younger because they didn’t want me to call out their bullshit. Which I did. With grace, but also with exceptional directness. You showed up drunk wearing white tennis shoes at a supper club? Go home, I said in my black footwear. 

I went back to banking.

Learned to bartend.

Kept pouring drinks.

Had some kids.

Got my daycare license to be home with my kids.

Worked at a church.

Went back to the bar. 

Worked at a church again.

Went back to the bar.

Went to a restaurant owned by an old friend.

Took 2 years off. 

While owning a seasonal business.

Now, I work for my family business.

My family owns a used car dealership. In late 2021, we were 29 cleanups behind with no prospects to hire. No one wants to work anymore. 

I watched the fill-in guy detail a couple cars and I’ve been figuring it out ever since. I’ve messed up more than I’ve fixed on some jobs. I’ve improved dramatically with time and work. Trial and error. 

From the outside looking in, you see a well adjusted little family on a farm. Nuclear. Homeschooled. I am the leaf, and my husband is the tree. We can’t both be flighty. In my flight, I have no fear. 

 

The best thing you can do is not be scared to figure it out. You might make mistakes. You might work 20 jobs. Or maybe you’ll get it right on the first try. In that, there’s a beauty. It’s ok to change, it is expected and encouraged. That’s how we grow. 

So if you find yourself loving what you’re doing, do that until you have to change. When change comes around, embrace it, rather than fear it. In change, you’re going to upset some people sometimes, which is also 100% ok. The only person you have to answer to is you, and if you’re married, your spouse. If you’re the leaf, be sure to marry a tree.