20/20

Rock bottom teaches lessons that mountain tops never will. Hindsight is 20/20. Insert inspirational quote here:_____________. None of the rambling that follows will likely make an appearance when you search on Pinterest for an “inspirational quote”. It will, however, challenge some of you. From others it will draw an eye roll or deep sigh. That’s ok. I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to tell the truth. Something that dwindles by the day—the truth I mean. Bullet points make for tidy list making. If you’re going into ‘24 without at least one list, what are you doing?! Here’s your first, best list. 

• No one will ever cherish my kids the way I do. Be careful of the adult company they keep. There are wolves in sheep’s clothing all over—especially in the places where they shouldn’t be. 

• Life is 90% showing up. 90% of the people don’t show up. If you find yours—the ones who show up—don’t let them go. 

• Some people aren’t your people. That’s ok. You don’t have to get along with everyone. But you don’t need to continue to swim upstream to appease them either. Cut them loose. 

• Contentment is found in gratitude. When we are filled with gratitude, what we have is enough. Stop scrolling, online shopping, comparing your social media to the neighborhoods, and wishing. The grass is greener where you water it. 

• Sit down every night with your family. If you play sports, and can’t do dinner, then sit down for a pre bedtime snack. Connect, look them in the eye, go around the table and tell each other 3 Positives that happened in your day. Some days you’ll dig really deep: “I survived the day. I didn’t hurt anyone. Bedtime is in an hour.” If you’re not doing meals together, you need to. It’s a game changer. 

• This is the first time in 7 years that we have not had a winter sport. It’s the first time in 5 years we haven’t had year round sports. I’m praising God for this relaxed winter. It’s my favorite winter in 7 years—and not because we don’t have snow or cold. It’s because we have time to breathe, connect, wash the dinner dishes, keep up on laundry, and just be. It’s ok to want a different kind of life—it’s ok to desire downtime and peace—it doesn’t make you lazy. 

• If you really want to make an impact on the world, love your children well. You could be raising a hero and you don’t even know it. Your investment in their lives is never in vain. Discipline means to teach—so do that too—make them mind you, and everyone will be better for it. Hold them accountable—they can handle it. 

• You can control you. That’s it. Your thoughts, your feelings, what you put into your body, how you respond to stress, how much sleep you get, if you’re a good person—all things you can control. The rest? Let it go. It’ll eat you up, and it’s toxic and terrible. No amount of wishing or hoping will make someone do what you want them to do. They’ve got to decide on their own to get better, be better, do better. 

• If you’re anxious—try changing your diet. Changing my diet changed my life. Between Allen and I, we lost 110 pounds that we don’t intend to find. We have more energy for our kids. We are leaving them a legacy of health and an understanding of what a healthy relationship with food looks like. It’ll be up to them to decide what they want to eat. 

• Communicate your needs. Your spouse/kid/best friend aren’t mind readers. It no one’s job to figure out what you need. If you are about to lose your mind and you need someone to vacuum and someone else to get out of the way, calmly through gritted teeth (if you have to), say so. 

• Don’t lean on your children for relationship advice or venting. It’s not their job to counsel you. You are the adult. It puts your relationship with your kid in jeopardy. It’s wrong. It’s difficult. It’s unfair. Find another adult. 

• Listen to your spouses needs. If they need _____, give them ____. 

• Listen to your kids. The small things now are big to them. If they can’t trust you with smalls, they’ll go elsewhere for the bigs. It takes a village, but you don’t want to raise the village idiot. Keep them coming to you for help, not running away. 

• Don’t go to someone for advice who isn’t living the life you want. If your _____ doesn’t have it together, seek wise counsel. If your parents are completely messed up, find another wise, trusted adult to come alongside you. You don’t have to have it figured out, but if you continue to take bad advice, you’re going to continue to make bad decisions.

• Some people’s best decision, it still a crappy decision. Separate yourself from these people. It rubs off. 

In the Spirit Of New Year, New You, I challenge you to take a moment. Examine who/what/where/when/why/how you can make changes. It’s all about being better, doing better, loving better, living better.